saw "Pah-jure" lube. Thought of you. Wearing the same clothes to work tomorrow.
I stayed in, ate a pint of Hagen daas and watched a movie about aids. Soooooooo single.
Me too!
Why were you high on a thursday?
today's a wednesday
I asked first.
xbox live and facebook are tricking me into believing I actually have an active social life
Her tattoo has the intellectual profundity of snakes on a plane except you can't laugh.
I'm driving in the middle of nowhere, and I just saw a stuffed Barney hanging from a noose on a tree. Maybe I should turn around.
My insides feel lik shag carpet. It is awesome
I don't really know how to say this, but I have an oven mitt to return to you tomorrow..
I know you hold the fastest time for "zoo downhill wheelchair racing" but I don't see what that has to do with this.
Do you think drinking vodka, rum and sourpuss out of a water bottle, in a class that isn't even mine rude?
I told him that his face would look perfect between my legs. One of my most successful strategies yet.
Guy in my class today said, "I'm pretty sure you think about beer 95% of the time."
Ok so I'm not gonna ignore the fact that you had sex on a frat basement floor and spent the last 4 years wondering how you got HPV
I'm at the store buying a new phone cause I pissed all over mine last night. Drunk me is expensive as shit.
I've just realized that today's rations have consisted of turkey bacon and jack Daniels.
Randomize
