bahahaha. this guy working at subway literally has someone's name tattooed on his arm, crossed out, and another name below it.
dude we gotta go shopping. I made pancakes this afternoon and used them as sandwich bread.
I drank 13 shots. Which is unlucky. Which is why i threw up.
you threw up because you drank 13 SHOTS
my mom noticed the "toothpaste" stain on my tshirt...she repeatedly attempted to get it off by licking her thumb and rubbing it. See Jenn it obviously doesnt taste that bad...
The only thing i was looking forward to on 4th of july was the google logo and they let me down. That and beer, lots and lots of beer
She's echoing.. Her head must be in the toilet..
5 am booty call.. And I went I need to gain better control of my vagina
Just had a tranny complement my outfit. Looks like I'll have to change before we go out.
I do have a life. It just consists of making scarves and chesse straws now
Bought pregnancy tests in bulk off amazon. Kinda feel insulted that it asked if I wanted to subscribe for regular shipments.
I have 80 very blurry photos of you on a stripper pole...
Have you ever drank bourbon in your underwear while wearing a Santa hat and reflecting on the decisions of your life? Asking for a friend.
HE’S PUKING UP BLOOD
okay all good I mistook strawberita for blood...
Don't know where this pizza came from but i got breakfast in bed
Had a dream last night where I asked you how your Christmas was and your response was, “sex, man. Just lots and lots of sex.”
Good god. A spell so dry your friends actually commit it to their subconscious!
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