you were so high you were expressing yourself in action figures
we had sex three times last night.. but now im just wet from him crying on my stomach about how much he misses his ex.. awesome
Im making the walk of shame with half a box of pizza, its like when youre little and you get a goodie bag leaving the party
I just slapped my cat in the face with my dildo. You were the only one I could tell.
He probs deserved it.
Every good man does.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Apparently, there is a horrible ghonorrea out break at our school. Woo! What a way for Loyola to welcome us back.
On an unrelated note, i found out who duct taped shoelaces to my face
i draw the line when you ask for directions at a place you're already at.
I feel like we should actually go to church one of these days to thank god for saving us from herpes and babies.
I woke up and found a doughnut on our front porch. It's not sketchy though. More like a gift from the gods.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Hahaha my philosophy professor just opened class with "I had a shitty weekend and I was at the bar until 815 this morning. So bear with me".
I'm gonna fuck that sweet little pussy of yours into absolute submission
Wow. Sorry. As soon as I sent that I felt inappropriate. But yes. Bring a sandwich after. Lol
She's going to hate me
Yeah well one of her many personalities always hates you.
The rest will just start to agree
Some guy was coming onto me last night and in the middle of it all he said: 'It literally says this on my birth certificate: Francis Coburt: The Guy Who Can Pull Two Beers Outta His Pants Like Magic.'
Word my sister pulled through for me and brought vodka shooters for the plane. its about to be a sloppy 4 hours
I love the barter system - he got laid and I got him to bring me some ibuprofen. A win-win really.
Randomize