I saw your purple underwear in the road this morning.
We decided to cut you off after you insisted on eating peanuts by the dumpster
you went all the way to UK and still managed to hook up with someone from our highschool...
Maybe I'll just get really drunk on valentines day and tell him I think his penis is small
I went limp when I heard her mom fart from her parents bedroom. It lasted longer than my hard on.
we def had a heart to heart that turned into a BJ last night
I bought new panties to console myself ... you know, because I am going to lose my ovaries. Well, if I don't die of a heart attack first. But at least when the EMS folks find me, I'll be finely dressed from the waist down.
He snapchatted me the wine on the ceiling this morning
Ooo, yeah! Thanksgiving will be a blast. Can't fuckin wait for the next round of "have you found a nice young man yet?" Followed by a lovely helping of "don't worry, there's someone out there for you."
She just sent me a message. It's a poem, about eternal love, that she wrote, about us. Just because I took her home two nights - doesn't mean it's eternal love.
You only have to pretend to care about soccer until July. HE'S PRETTY DONT RUIN THIS.
Happy 4th. Did you guys get your syphilis thing taken care of?
I've literally exhausted all the videos on pornhub. It took like 4 years, but I've done it. I did that quicker than I finished college
Dude she is fucking shit up. Her baby would be proud
i think i left you like a 5 minute message about the mcchicken burger i was eating. I think I called wanting sex but the mcchicken burger was a lot more seducing.
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