It's like a choose-your-own-adventure. But the adventure is already chosen for you. And it sucks.
Halfway through banging her I realized that she was playing a sex playlist on her iPod...first time actually having sex to R.Kelly's "bump and grind"
Last night you were talking while puking saying, "ahh the shoes and the purse, I'm gonna have to wash those"
you know u lost to a carboard cut out of sammy sosa in beer pong last night.
There's a skateboard on the patio and all the chips are gone. The note on the fridge says 'don't buy cheese'. Stop letting her go outside.
I called him daddy. To his face. Somewhat sober. What more could I do?
He stood up, threw the bag of bud between me and Tory, yelled "Fight" and then ran upstairs for the pizza
YOU STOLE THE WEDDING CAKE?!?!
Only one tier
Tastes like cardboard anyway
Today marks the 365th consecutive day of jerkin it. I couldn't have done it without you guys. #onlynewyearsresolutionaccomplished
He left in the middle of the night, he left his shoes behind and stole my doc martens..size 6 female. Wtf?
No more. You can't have nice things, and vodka is a nice thing.
Just yelled out loud for someone to buy me a drink, 30 seconds later random guy on grindr asks what I'm drinking.
There's a 98% chance your drink will taste like rohypnol
Anyway. I unfriended all of these people like a grown up and I am never talking to them again
well we started off by chasing vodka with chocolate milk and ended up trying to befriend a crippled raccoon so that should tell you how our night went
I'll give you some leg action but I'm not showing you anything else until your penis admits it loves me
Randomize
