you dont want to live with me, im always naked, a chronic masturbator, a bit of a voyeur and will likely touch you while you sleep. ps- i can pick locks
One night stand!! Now I'm pissing excellence
That burning is chlamydia
I swear god or herbie drove my car home
just fucked my old babysitter, gotta love block parties
So somehow I got from NYC to a suburban town in the middle of Jersey. At 4am. Thank god there are trains that can rectify my mistakes...
On a scale of your daily life to smuggling crack into the DR, how illegal is it?
Want to come over and rub aloe on my tits?
sorry to break it to you, but he's definitely fucking that other girl now...
I wish I still at least had the bruises on my ass to remember him by.
Guess who just rode home in a cop car?! Your Fav flamingo
So he's compensating for a really small penis. Either that or he's a drug lord.
I woke up with a stapler in my ass. Don't even complain to me.
there may have been a blood oath never to speak of it again...only reason i can think of as to why there was a 1 inch bloody cut on my right boob
I just started the bonfire using a tampon. Who knew they could have multiple uses?
I knew my sister shouldn't have gone to the bacherlotte party. Two of the other brides maids have black eyes and my fiancé called me and asked if this is the crazy she's marrying
If not, I can murder my liver twice...it's like a cat, it has 9 lives
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