it was a mass text i'm sorry
do you usually send 'hey sexy' as a mass text?
I wish we could go back in time and find our best farts ever
he pushed my hair back because he said it made me look like kelly kapowski and he told me to call him zach
and technically it was a rebound
so lol
and then you got rebounded for the same girl he rebounded you for and still never scored ... it was like watching an LA Clippers game
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I forgot to mention I threw up in my wine glass AND my neighbors empty cup.
dont touch anything in my room. If its phallus shaped, i can almost guarantee its been in my vagina.
He told me he was a psychology major, and I responded by asking him where he hid his vagina.
Bartending School is so much more enjoyable now that I realized I was in rehab at this time last year.
I was just informed that you are the reason for my 2 missing front teeth.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
im drinking tequila tonight so will you babysit my bra?
I just feel like everything is too perfect
He's probably a serial killer or chronic masturbator
Or both. Which is common
I'm about 95% it's a collapsed lung. Go big right?
Kyle found me outside his apartment in the hallway. Said he didn't hear me knock bt smelled alcohol through the door. I'm sucha bitch to my liver
Because everytime she talks to you she goes in her room and plays Come Sail Away on repeat. Can't take this shit anymore Jake
I think my dove chocolate wrapper just told me to masturbate.
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