Anderson Cooper interviews Obama. It's like CNN is teasing and broadcasting my dream 3 way.
he's super hid and wouldn't leave us alone so i snatched his phone and started texting lovelink (thanks for a well-timed commercial) that will cost him money. muhahaha
as veruca salt said, "i want it now!"
uhh im not your indulgent father, stoned and im in the middle of making tacos. right now, tacos win
Measuring your booze intake in glasses is like measuring Rosie O'Donnell's weight in ounces.
So he saw that playlist i made with his name as the title. i think he's creeped out that I have 106 songs that remind me of him
she gave me a handjob in the middle of the night and my stomach growled so she walked out totally naked and came back 5 minutes later with two sandwiches. who the fuck says getting married is awful?
omg dinner turned into a foam party this is weiriiid
i told him i should keep a toothbrush at his house for after all the times i threw up there. he said yes but i wasnt getting a key to the apt
Made a vodka juice box out of a ziploc bag and a straw for when I drive. Doesn't count as an open beverage container anymore.
I just bought $54 in Easter crap to try and blend in the pregnancy test... And FYI, it totally worked.
Screw them and thier engaged asses. I've got liquor to drink and boys I don't know to make out with.
No he's here. We were watching Harry Potter stoned as shit and he fell asleep with his head in my lap. I'll figure out what to do with him after Harry gives Dobby the sock.
There's tequila in my general area. Please pray for me.
And ANOTHER guy that I once got naked is doing gay porn now. Wtf? Am I the audition?!
I'm waiting for you in a manthong right now.
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