I lost my shoes and bra and was beyond mapquesting
I just saw how many times I called you last night. You're welcome.
i was drunk and our names rhymed...what was i supposed to do?
For sure. We should see if we can get Mike to pay for one, and have a triple kegger... :o==& (that's future me projectile vomiting. i try to be goal oriented)
Improvement. She went from pretending she was the soccer ball in the world cup games and it hurt when they kicked her to passed out on the floor.
You made everyone who was on the patio sit on the floor and join your "ship" because you were the Captain. It was cool though. You let me be your 1st Mate.
Whoevers house this is has only beer and cream cheese in the fridge. Thats the diet im gonna go on
So our annual Dick Trip has been tentatively scheduled for the week of July 1 - 5. This years theme is "Fucking for Freedom".
Children cease to be precious when they crap their shorts in the pool I exercise at.
I changed my birth control schedule so that I'm on my period while you're gone this week
I don't deserve you.
Two things. 1) party at my house this Friday 2) what was the name of the Australian you fucked on the cruise ship?
My dad told me to bring weed to easter Sunday dinner..
I wish so many great beards were not attached to even greater jerks. All that face sitting potential wasted. Some of the greatest tragedies of this century.
my near death experience doubled as my sexual awakening
he said he only had one rule...that he'd only go down on me 3x a day. so far this is turning into the best relationship ever.
Randomize
