My penis is bigger than his and I don't even have a penis.
You also had the stripper slap the shit out of me for not having any money....remember that?
did i really try to jack off an athens police horse last night? please tell me youre kidding..
I don't know if this beer pong partnership can last if you refuse to look me in the eye when we make sweet sweet clutch cup at the same time.
i'm ready for this baby to gtfo so i can get coked out.
Well, I woke up with a text message from my cab driver that said "I hope you're alive," so that's a good indicator of how I was acting last night.
I locked the porch door but I left a spare key on top of the keg on the side of the house
Came to from my blackout with native american warrior facepaint on I'm too old for this shit
The facepaint not the blacking out
Good news! I don't have Hep C! Better news! I still hate you!
And on that day, Satan said; "Let there be the friend zone and let us get fucking high." while Jesus silently cried in the background.
If by "Are you drunk?" you mean "Did you just faceplant in the checkout line at Target?" the answer is yes.
You motherfucker. I just had an MRI with a penny under my boob.
Just used the "Buddy" Poppy flower I got from a veteran to clean my one hitter. "I'm proud to be an American"
He will forever be known as the toe sucker who may or may not have been a father
Did he hurt you? I have a crowbar I can beat his sorry ass with
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