I was speaking french the whole night. Until i got arrested. Then I decided I should probably start speaking English.
sounds like you fell off the wagon.
fuck falling off. at this point, the wagon is a dot on the horizon.
literally every day that goes by where he doesn't talk to me makes me more determined to get him to have sex with me
I don't think he understands the importance of corndogs. Or condoms for that matter.
I just hit the bong during the whole bday song then blew the candles out with my exhale.
It's really not cool dreaming about going into labor with your ex boyfriends love child as you're sleeping next to him.
As if finding out the man you just had sex with is married isn't bad enough, it gets so much more awkward when his wife comes in to comfort you...
I decided to let him keep the rest of my good weed as an "I'm sorry for being a drunk ass ho" consolation prize.
I was looking at our sex bingo and pretty much every single row or column has at least one kind of person that is harder to find than all the rest
We've made things harder for ourselves
The struggle will be part of the fun
is there a way to say "yea i broke my wrist cause i fell down some stairs while tripping my face off on acid" without actually saying it?
Just cried watching Wimbledon, worst comedown ever.
BTW, Julia referred to you as a power bottom. Are you available?
I got my period on eclipse day. I'm officially in line with the moon.
He was trying to break into my apartment to get the coke he left last night, didn't engage parking break, so the van started rolling. yup, it's broken.
He was literally screaming at me for using the same knife to scoop the peanut butter and the jelly.
Randomize
