i just used the Cadillac of toilet papers. For a minute i actually forgot i was even wiping my ass....i thought i was floating butt first into heaven
i feel like my life has become an afroman song and idk whether i should be sad about that or not
She had been watching Bad Girls Club where the annoying girl always says "I RUN L.A.". After she got wasted she kept going up to strangers at the bar yelling "I RUN FAYETTEVILLE." I peed in her drink.
Drunk, high, and in a taco costume. Wish you were here.
he somehow instantly knew i was from vermont.
it probably had something to do with chasing your soco with maply syrup.
Btw he dated my mom. You're Eskimo siblings with my mom. Good job.
he fucked me with his goalie mask on. it was like sleeping with Darth Vader
Some guy just ate one of the dog treats. I have him a free beer. I love my job.
I told you, I'm taking a sledgehammer to your walls. Fuck your walls.
I'm Batman.
I just remembered that we had an in-depth conversation about how it was too stressful to wear pants.
About 98% sure I just walked by some dude jerking it in the library. I'm guessing his college experience isn't going as planned
As much as my throat was opened up this weekend, you'd think I wouldn't nearly choke on a damn almond.
i just really want to fuck a guy wearing lederhosen
it'll be sexier than it sounds, i promise
Come on in. I'm butt naked, in the kitchen, eating ice pops
Apparently i'm now known as the kid who was double fisting tequila and pedialyte.
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