just tell him i said nine months
smell my finger.
i just went through and liked all 1,239 of her pictures instead of writing my english paper. don't tell her, i want her to be surprised
You were pretty fucked up... decided playing hopscotch down the stairs was an excellent idea.. it was extremely entertaining
For the amount I put out, I should be going on way more dates.
She forgot my birthday again. How do you forget something that came out of your vagina???
i had to take off my light up shamrock necklaces, my professor was getting suspicious.
I came out, you were peeing on the car and when I asked why you said it deserved it because its a rental
You used up your allotted blow job minutes for the month of April last night anyways
I fell asleep on the bus and woke up in Italian Las Vegas. Europe was a successful continent for me.
The less money I spend on drugs, the happier my mom will be.
A man and his most likely hooker just bought us Taco Bell.
Technically ya I did. Hes tried to get down my pants like 3 times now and every time I have been all "these are not the Droids you are looking for"
Just used an eyelash curler to open my beer since I didn't have a bottle opener. Things are starting to look up.
I cannot take an uber back in my costume...can you please come get me?
Randomize
