I think any school that has COCKS written on it's baseball hats has their priorities straight.
today is my dealer's birthday. i dont know whether to give him the day off or call him saying happy birthday ill take a quarter please
i tried slipping money on her dresser whenever she brings guys home hoping she'll start to question her goals in life... i think its only encouraging her
You tried to tip the paramedic for finding you.
Nothing good has ever or will ever come from 50 cent beers at the bowling alley..
Its like "fucckkkkk yooouuuuuu" is echoing up my esophagus
tequila?
yep
At some point I'd like to figure out how the weird kid from sociology ended up on my couch naked hugging what appears to be some sort of clothing....seriously it's creeping me out
As an added bonus, you will have a "25 blowjobs a month" voucher, expiring thirty days after the first initial bj.
I want to lick his teeth again. Is that a creepy thing to say?
Why is there uncooked bacon under my bed?
You insisted on taking it to bed with you. You grabbed it out of the fridge while mumbling "If I leave this out, you fuckers are just going to ruin it."
Sex aside I am really scared about Syria...
Can I come over and get it in, take a nap in ur bed, grab some poptarts and then leave?
You haven't lost that air of class about you...
You said the best orgasm you ever had, you gave to yourself. your boyfriend looked really disappointed. so did half the room.
So the makeout sesh? Not so great. His stubble rubbed my face raw, he tried to push me towards auto-erotic asphyxiation, and he licked my forehead. Twice.
Nothing kills the mood like opening another guy’s dick pic in bed
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