why are there post-it notes all around the apartment labeled where you guys had sex and in what position
You have to understand, this is the first time I'm looking at a whopper sober.
We need to talk about our relationship.
I just won a bet involving 10 tequila shots. You've got about 3 minutes
I smell like I just crawled out of a bottle of champagne and landed on the floor of taco bueno.
I am definitely the only sober one on this train. And the only one not wearing a business suit. Wow, Monday Korea.
If I wake up with an unknown penis in me one more time I am literally going to press charges to the makers of tequila.
You're putting the star player on the bench. You dont put Michael Jordan on the bench.
Are you referring to my vagina as Michael Jordan?
How many drinks/blunt hits do you think I could get if I wore an "it's my birthday" shirt
I'm running on 2 hours of sleep. Just spent 6 minutes staring at the back of my hand thinking: "I don't really know this that well"
i just woke with half a bagel saran wrapped to my phone and a cookie in an envelope beside my head...
Come on kid, foreplay is elementary stuff. It's a vagina, not a sphinx.
The highlight of the trip was definitely my dad telling me that I "used to be his prettiest daughter."
Why didn't you ever bring me to the pope as a baby so he could kiss me.
It's just a friend who is recently single and I'm going to heal his broken heart with my vagina
he just got here with a handle of tequila and box of condoms. looks like i'll be spending the weekend in bed
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