Apparently i was the first person to introduce her to her clitoris. Needless to say...they hit it off great
youre just mad i got the high score on the breathalyzer
Pretty sure I just became the first person ever to use the word "boner" in a wedding card...
Then he wanted a handjob in the car. While my cousin was driving. To krispy kreme. And there was someone else in the backseat.
Jesus...So southern.
Printing the vagina inspector badge was money well spent.
Most sexually ambiguous night of my life. Kept switching from the NBA finals to the Tonys.
They're letting me teach a freshman-laden class now. This university needs better background checks.
Just the amount of girls he locked himself in my room woth says your gonna have to take a cab bro. I don't think he's going anywhere
Tell the cops to let you through! Tell them you need to do drugs!
I have really important information for you regarding the furry convention this weekend
I put a bagel at the end of my bed so every time I want a bite I have to do a sit up
I am naked and annoyed.
Gonna be late for work. Sex comes first. Priorities.
Idk I've taught my 18 month old how to say nipple so kids aren't all bad
All I ever wanted was my bed, Tylenol, and total darkness. Instead I had a pervert with porno posters who blares german rock calling me tootsie pop. How was your saturday night?
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