I wonder if i passed any courses from last semester
Just found an "inspected with pride" sticker on or around my vagina
Oh wait looks like my cousin is getting deported THERE'S HOPE FOR THIS CHRISTMAS YET
Her vagina smelled like pancake batter. That's all you need to know.
it was good sex until i became a rubber doll and he became a jack hammer, so i guess overall it was good
She almost killed me. The shot she handed me had tacks in it. Wtf?!
I'm mortified. After he finished, he turned to me and said,"So, what did you think of my mom?" WTF Please tell me he was not wondering about that while he was going down on me!!!
Taking my underwear off at work was one of my better decisions this weekend
i forgot to brush my teeth before I went over so i went to the bathroom and started eating his toothpaste. we're still in the early stages of fuckdom
Saw a girl outside my apartment shotgun a bud light, then a red bull, get in her Tahoe, and drive 4 people away. Gotta love thirsty Thursday.
Why is there a cash register on top of my car?
They took the TVs out of the gym and the mini-Mart only had 2% milk. 2015 wants me to be fat
i refuse to sex anyone who doesn't get my lord of the rings references. no exceptions.
Apparently I told him the people made me order taco bell I didn't even want it. And then proceeded to turn off all the lights and sit at the kitchen table in the dark and told him not to look at me.
He puked all over the side of the car and the head rest behind him...and then all he said was "America."
Randomize
