perhaps when you are drinking red wine from a tall glass with a straw it is time to call it a night.
yeah so our basement was flooded 4 feet. we just smoke and drank and then went swimming. gotta make the best out of it
Balcony sex scratched the shit out of my phone. Whups.
I just learned you can mail a coconut. I'll be over in 3 days with the rum.
i just kept saying he was red & i was blue and we couldnt become purple. I started crying at one point
Fell in the ditch running from the pizza guy I stole the pizza from. If you are still at my house come find me, pretty sure I need stitches.
Everything smells like beer. Everything. But I cant drag myself out of bed to take a shower. So beer it is.
Dude I'm looking through my old high school year book and I circled every girl I fucked.. what was wrong with me.
My roomate asked me why she found condoms in the pringles container. I don't know what to tell her
Saw someone get laid in the bathroom no one was wearing shoes and I had a parrot on my shoulder...I never want to leave this bar
Serious questions. Who is that girl? Why is she wearing a tiara? And why does she keep asking about penis piercings?
I feel like there is something fundamentally wrong with me as a woman. My initial text to you was "What's up, fuck bucket?"
HE TALKS ABOUT HIS DICK IN THIRD PERSON ABORT MISSION ABORT FUCKING MISSION
Don't take a pillow from my bed. You don't know which ones of them my vagina has been on
I can't dude. Last time I was there, I blew the bartender in the bathroom at last call.
Randomize
