You ran away and I found you three blocks later lying by a dumpster because "that's where your life belongs"
Now that the fun of having an iPhone has worn off I find that using screen as a coke tray is by far my favorite app
I just made doing the dishes into a drinking game. crafty, or pathetic?
we should hire that guy that makes pancakes that we met last weekend for our next party. He can feed us, and regulate!
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Upon further investigation it turns out it wasn't blood, but chocolate frosting from the cupcake I shoved in my pocket to "save for later"
By the third Id pass back i figured the bouncer had fucked one of us.
That's the saddest description of touching yourself I've heard since someone said "I was just lazily rubbing my clitoris while eating Cheetos alone"
If you're staying here tonight, you need to promise me you won't make another bonfire in the lounge room. My girl is still pissed about that.
Senior week was like trying to herd cats. Very drunk cats.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
honestly dont worry about it, its not the first time ive injured myself on a potted cactus during sexual relations with a woman
From what I heard you ordered him to lick your balls. Unless you've kept a huge secret I understand his confusion.
30% sure Kevin and I just adopted a cat. Talk to me when the sun's up but I really feel like that's a thing.
you know you're in deep when you watch fear and loathing in las vegas and every damn scene is relatable.
I miss my innocence.
I miss being able to say, "I've never done this before."
dude me and this dog are gonna go bond oon the tramplene with stromboli... i think everyone is staring at me... being this high is SO stressful
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