I am so fucking pissed, there are no Shamwows in the As Seen on TV Store.
Looks like you'll have to stick to jizzing in socks.
the guy in front of me just bought a pound of bacon, a bouquet, and a case of budlight, i want to see THAT makeup sex
Okay so if I'm going to keep referring to my hangover in the third person it needs a name.
I just introduced him to multiple male orgasms. I love wine AND tequila
I think i can make this amish girl legitimately hot.
the man who designed bathrooms to have toilets within easy puking distance from the shower is my hero
I took a few sips of my hugeee bottle of liquid Vicodin and smoked my one hitter and now I'm going thru my attic like Indiana Jones
You didn't hold all these dicks to become a party planner!
Dude, all I know is that I came out of this thing wearing a snorkel mask and completely covered in glitter and soap.
Did she owns a vibrator that will set off seismic activity.
3 2 1 whiskey
My apartment looks like the apocalypse of sobriety.
Weddings might be fun but they are not getting fucked in the wilderness fun.
I mean I've only met the girl once and she was trying to slit some guys tires.
I am real keen for none of this to be taken out of context so let’s just shut it down right now
Randomize
