he pissed his pants, and she still wants to hook me up with him. I try not to date guys with bladder control problems... Unless they're loaded anyway.
i was so high that i was eating crumbs of my bed only to realize they were fuzz thingies. fml.
Sitting here wishing there were men in my life.
me too. too bad ive decided to fill that hole with cookie dough, closing the door to future men one fat cell at a time.
She can't really be mad at me. I made you two sisters... Dick sisters.
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So I hear you're taking over showing your penis responsibilities now that I'm gone?
It is. We should just be drunk all the time forever everything is like just 90% more perfect
Jesus christ it's been two texts and we are already talking about dildos
Question: should I be considering heels or is this the kind of night where I should plan on falling on my face regardless of my choice of footwear?
He told me that his favorite part about me is hearing my voice while we fuck. I think that was the nicest thing he has EVER said to me.
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ANNA HAS DISCOVERED EROTIC FANFICTION OF SHARKNADO THIS IS NOT A DRILL
She had sex with a starfish painted on her face. Thank you Halloween
Not all of us can be into hot dads. Some of us have to have commitment issues and be into musicians.
Moms love me. I'm the reminder that they need to turn safe search on.
That awkward moment when you realize you've been secretly blackout dating someone for three months. Drunk me is in a committed relationship.
there is a naked boy in my bed & you just need to kick him out because i do NOT want to see him when i'm sober.
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