There is a girl getting fingered on my left, a middle aged drink man smoking a bong and two girls flashing the cameras in front of me. I'm in the middle trying to maintain my innocence.
When I realized it was a dog, and I still had a boner, it was awkward.
just looked in the mirror, I fell asleep with a face mask on. At least drunk me cares that much about the condition of my skin
We had sex and then he fed me pie. This is the best friends-with-benefits situation ever.
I can hear her blowing you man. All I hear is her saying 'yeah' over and over again.
Postcard from jail please. Reserving a spot on my fridge.
Dude you were so high some kid was kicking the wall and you were convinced it was your heartbeat
Taking my infected piercing out in the parking lot of the food card place. This is one of those life defining moments that makes me sad.
She said she wants to move in with me. Time to black out and act as if we never had this conversation.
How are you a firefighter? People actually trust you with their lives??
Like theyre better than no shoes. I'm sitting her balls naked playing xbox in nothing but crocs with the fur
Im at that shitty point in my day where I start planning night activities while finger dipping vyvance off of my desk, you got any plans?
i may have given a gay guy with a mohawk my number last night that said... "you are straight" omg so glad a whole year til my next birthday... also i hit myself in the face with a car door. nice.
That moment during finals day when you either convince your teacher to let you out of the room or you shit you pants.
Are you trying to say I've made an emotionally well rounded transformation similar to the Grinch?
Dollars spent: $83, Girls kissed: 4, Girls slept with:2, Girls currently making me breakfast: 1, Fucks given: 0
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