we dont do blackfin have a good night :)
I'm not crazy, I only keep calling you cause you won't pick up.
Is licking assholes a new fad or something?
Just saw a denim jacket with the phrase christian cowboy...ridin with the lord under a picture of a cowboy in a sunset. I'm def in mississippi.
You woke up in the middle of the night and told me we won the sweepstakes, the penis sweepstakes.
Just caught my first cougar this fake was worth every fucking penny.
Had no idea what his name was when I woke up. Went through his desk, found his tax records. Ben. And loaded.
Ok. So I've woke up in a hospital. New thing to top that.... Waking up and realizing you've been locked inside the bar by urself at 430 am and all the doors are locked by key
On the way home she put on a necklace with her name on it and wrote my name in sharpie across my chest so that in the morning we could avoid the awkward Idk who the fuck you are conversation. Best. Girl. Ever.
Number of twigs I found in my hair: 5
I have a surprise for you guys
What is it?
A MOTHER FUCKING SURPRISE DON'T ASK QUESTIONS
Woke up naked on a bed full of money, doughnuts, and keys that weren't mine. Unsent dick pick on phone, and cheap cigar butt on my pillow. Also...I maybe hotwired my car.
We fucked so hard and loud that the everyone at the party downstairs starting chanting his name. Oh I we broke a lamp.
May the power of my ass compel you!!
I'm going to get him a gold star sticker and put it on his dick
Randomize
