batman just walked across the sidewalk
lay off the drugs
no for real he was wearing a cape
Update from family reunion: my aunt Janet once got her legs stuck behind her head. The fire department had to be called.
i feel like i'm a professional at blowjobs i can deep throat an entire spatula
I'd like to apologize to your liver. It sees how much beer i drink and gets jealous of how awesome my liver is.
He tricked me...the first song on his sex mix was trey songz but the rest were techno....i can't walk straight now
dream priorities were more important than voting today. don't tell me you wouldn't keep going back to sleep to find out who would win a fight between oprah and godzilla
i seriously wanted to pee on her right then.
Just sayin. I pissed on his couch, and ruined his stove. If he's not mad, we're partying there every weekend...
Saved a life and got us a free vacuum cleaner (and learned vacuum is not spelled "vacumn"). Get on my level.
she came back from her house with A paper cut , a 2liter of sprite with Bacardi , and half a mustache . we're inviting her more ofte
WAKE UP!!! We have 20 minutes to get to class. That means we only have 10 minutes to get drunk.
The cop that got shot in the dick is here, let the entertainment begin.
I am serious when I say I think I broke a rib having sex with Kyle. It might be puncturing my lung. No lie. I might die today.
Costco (TM). Making alcoholism affordable!
Sorry I called bc I needed help peeing outside
But I did it
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