So I'm playing pool in my cowboy boots and some guy came up looks at my boots and goes, "you should've got the boots with the fur"
Ambien. No doubt about it.
I just watched a guy get turned down by a prostitute
I'm pretty sure that he just gave me the ginger disease
Ummmm I went to see who was upstairs, he was the only one in his room so we had sex while the travel channel played in the background.
Oh good. Romantic. Still, I'm jealous of the sex.
Probably not, since he made me promise not to tell anyone it only lasted ten seconds.
He was such a tease, he pulled out his dick, let me touch it then put it away
I need $500 dollars more than I need a night of dignity... I gonna do it.
Remember middle school health class where we used to say that when we lost our vcards we would be on the pill, using a condom, and have had our partners tested first? We were so optimistic.
I feel as though sleeping all day due to the effects of prescription painkillers paid for by union insurance made this the most American day ever for me
After that song played in the club all he kept drunkenly saying was "Birdman goes brrrrrr"
Just listened to a full Christian rock song, loved it,listened to the dj send a prayer to a 4th grader who was having a tough year and realized I'm high as fuk
You know you had a good night when your wearing you best friends pants to work the next day
My mom just asked me about the teeth marks on my headboard..
He held my hair back for me while i vomited in my driveway last night and i repayed him by farting mid-heave.
Irony: drinking your pre workout supplement out of the cup your Krispy Kreme doughnut holes came in.
Randomize
