Fuck that. Livers are so overdramatic and attention hungry.
I just asked my hair stylist how many percocets she'd do my hair for.
he is the anna nicole to my 90 year-old billionaire. i'm grateful that he's fucking me, so i'm buying him shit.
She's dressed as Musafa. How could this not be a good idea?
it tasted disgusting. but i pretty much drank it in the name of science, and free alcohol
He's tryingto open a beer with a Police baton. Cut him off or see where this leads?
Sorry for screaming that you were an apple in spanish at the bar last night, that was the wine talking
I have vodka soaked strawberries. My latest tarot card reading hinted at a lesbian/bisexual coming out. I doubt I survive the night.
I decided not to eat, and then this man was my fairy " don't black out" godmother
I just farted a soft, gentle fart and it made me think of the eye puff glaucoma test at the eye dr. I hope that's not fart air they use for those. And yes, I'm texting you from the toilet and yes again, I'm high.
I hear fucking Christmas music. I'm going to find fucking Santa and tell him to suck a dick and shut up for the next month
I will kill you in such a brutal way if you ever de-pants me again on the dance floor it will make the stock market ticker
It's Saturday night and I'm sitting on my couch by myself, watching Glee, and drinking gin and tonics. If you listen very closely, you can hear the wails of my mother giving up hope that I will ever give her a son-in-law.
guy next to me on the train just pulled out two bottles of gin and a block of cheddar. is slowly making his way through all of them.
so I may or may not have had intense sex to mozart's greatest hits on vinyl... I don't know if I should be proud or just really disappointed in my nerdness
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