i am YELPING strip clubs. This is interesting.
i am too hungover to go to class can you just call me and put it on speaker phone
I'm gonna sleep with her just to prove to my roomate that shes a slut and he's wasting his time
The office pool is up to $500 if you take a shit in Frank's desk drawer. Time to change the unpaid internship into a cash cow.
There was a bottle of vodka and chips in a vase next to the bed
I don't even want to think about the kind of person who would shit in the street before 10pm on a Sunday.
Nothing makes me happier than finding out someone else is pregnant and it's not you.
I discovered a new stretch mark. DONE. LITERALLY DONE.
I made out with a guy who was dressed as Borat
And like a minute in, I was like oh fuck what am I doing
Did you run away?
I DANCED AWAY.
went out last night. woke up with a lisp.
I don't even care that it's before church. I feel like God actually wants me to have this shower beer.
I'm at the back whiskey bar with a 7 and 7 in a winnie the pooh costume. Come find me.
Drunk me also decided it would be funny to change all the passwords on my computer last night. Now I can't log into anything.
Just fyi i'm now butt naked in a steam room smoking a bong in some guys house. i sense the weed penetrating my pores.
By the time we got to McDonald's you were sharing a Big Mac with a stripper.
Randomize
