that's the second time you've been mistaken as a prostitute. maybe life is trying to tell you something
its my fault though, i'm wearing tights
you're hiking in tights? you remind me of dennis quaid's fiance in the parent trap
Even if you were sober, spitters are STILL quitters, end of story.
He asked if I was on the pill, apparently I just downed my glass of beer and winked at him...
Just once id like to sleep with a man who i havent thrown up on
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Is my lip ring still in your hair?
So there I was praying he didn't go limp again, choking on a long, long gray ball hair. This is my Saturday night. This. Is. My. Life.
My contribution to the dinner party was a bottle of vodka and a bag of uncooked potatoes. I felt like a Russian serf.
Puked in the trees at home depot, I told everyone it was fertilizeerr
i get drunk faster, i spend less money on food, and i'm losing a shit ton of weight. depression and its pills are doing wonders for me
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I feel like I would find myself in so much trouble if I hadn't married my DD.
I had to write an apology letter to my roomate for hotboxing in our bathroom. What a bitch.
I'm being hhit on by creepy guys please come one bought me a penis hat balloon animal save meeeee
you are the only girl i know that would bring a plate of cookies to a hook up. but they were awesome. thanks. next time cupcakes?
She threw my purse across the room almost broke a lamp and this all started bc she forgot what an air mattress was
Remember how slutty I thought she was when we were freshmen?
Yeah! But that was a long time ago. Plus, you use your sluttiness for good!
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