somehow on my way home with matt, I ended up straddling steve on the sidewalk and polling the people walking by on whether or not we should have sex.
Ah that type of Dick. I think my phones trying to make me less of a whore by capitalizing Dick. That way it looks like I'm talking about a dude not penis
So two questions...why am I covered in muffins and are there pictures of this.
I was on hold waiting for customer service at verizon so we obviously we had enough time to have sex, i just put the phone on speaker
FUCK YOU CALIFORNIA. YOU DO NOTHING RIGHT. FIRST PROP 8 AND NOW THIS.
It was one of those "wake up holding a random metal flower" kind of nights.
Some daaay... Bet your bottom dollar that some daaay you'll do that mollyyyy
Will it make you feel better if we wear the title of dysfunctional fucking roommates? It requires monogamy unless we want to bang someone together.
Romantically speaking, I want to sit on his face.
....she made me stop for like 3 minutes so she could talk to her cat....
I called you a cum goblin in my voicemail. I stand by it.
You were taking in your sleep. You were like Jess that's that animal we were talking about and you Hugged her feet
I gave him blue balls & ate the last slice of pie so the chances of a second date are slim...
Ya know what's the worst? Being drunk and wanting to show someone a picture of your goddaughter but not wanting to open the pictures on your phone because the first one is of someone's dick..
I ate at the cafeteria for the first time yesterday and today I think I had an hour long fart.
Randomize
