I had a disgustingly explicit dream last night involving myself and lil wayne.
i asked him to tell me something nice and he said "your vagina is really tight."
If I was on drugs, this would be amazing
Single schmingle. No one actually obeys the relationship boundaries these days. Its 2009.
Coffee flavored vodka sounded like such a good idea at the time. Now i never want to drink coffee again.
never trust anyone who drives a pt cruiser.... write that down
I am both excited and frightened by the fact that this much everclear is legal here. Best vacation ever.
Took off my bra at the laundry mat to throw it in I am officially white trash
Packing a mid day bowl in the Sonic parking lot. Have I gone too stoner?
4 days in college, 3 frat parties. I haven't been this drunk since the unspeakable Jäger bomb incident in Sweden.
I stopped for beer and woke up to a bird on my shoulder. I really need to stop drinking
Well, I told him that it's not all about him. Then I gave him the best blow-job in the history of blow-jobs.
Don't worry, I'm not gonna try making you Eskimo sisters with your mom
Pretty sure I was naked for most of the night.....success
I think you'll appreciate my way of waking up today: Under my cubicle, boxed in by boxes of printer paper, and hung over. I don't even know how the fuck I got in here in the middle of the night. I went to my car and fell back asleep. I'm now 2 1/2 hours late.
Randomize
