Just looked in the bathroom mirror before getting to this exam to see If I look as bad as I feel & the answer is no. I look amazing, even in yesterday's clothes
I may or may not be laying in bed naked watching The Nanny. Niles is so spunky.
I'm in the laundromat a drunk armenian guy keeps trying to help me fold my laundry. Ah i'm going to miss queens.
woke up in my one night stand's bed and barfed all over her floor. she came back from the bathroom, looked at the vomit, looked at me and said "normally i'd tell you to clean it and get the fuck out, but i remember the sex was good, so i'll let it go." Score.
is it bad that upon arriving to my fourth sex toy party the sex toy lady instantly recognizes me?
I don't have the urge to be a home-wrecker with these two. I think I've grown, don't you?
Dude. He put me on a rewards point system for his dick. I have to do him favors now to build up to winning sex. This is shit.
I forgot to tell you, the medics put you in a wheel chair. ( I kept telling you to cat daddy) oh you also gave everyone high fives for speaking English.
It's a journey
And the destination is his penis?
Precisely.
You tried to impress her by kicking the 5th floor button in the elevator, but you ended up kicking everything from 3 to 11. Then you said, "pretty accurate, huh ladies?"
the guy sitting next to me at the bar has a patrick swayze tattoo hovering over a roast beef sandwich. 'merica.
I texted him in the morning wishing him a day as spectacular as his dick was.
is telling someone you can be his trophy wife the same as proposing?
The Easter sex puns were too abundant
Do I have to cook for the potluck? Can I just bring a costco size bottle of Vodka?
Randomize
