i can now get sex on a playground off my list of things to do in life.
Did you know the Dallas Cowboy cheerleaders have an exercise show ON Demand? Yeah, I had a lonely night
Sorry you had to see that, but on the bright side...at least I trust you enough to have sex in front of you
I can always tell I missed tequila night based on the hickeys on your neck man. Fucking call me.
thought the power was flickering out but it turns out im just blinking
I FOUND THE NORMAL CONDOMS. THIS IS GOD TELLING ME TO CHASE AFTER MY DREAM.
oh god my hair smells like rotten vegetables, sweat, and tequila. I wanna party with your neighbors every night.
please come upstairs a drunk asian is lying down n the middle of my room and i don't know him
I wish I'd realized he looked like Skrillex before I was already in the middle of fucking him...
I had a dream that I had to take a breathalyzer but then it turned out to be a bong....why can't that be real life?
She has this wild look other eyes like she wouldn't be afraid to commit a felony.
Never let me go online shopping while drunk. I now own 2 baby cribs. I have no children
I know... It's stupid... It's like, I have sex with his brother and bestfriend ONE time....
i buy too many watermelons when I'm drunk
Fuck the system, do you have any medieval weapons?
Randomize
