Then you got really excited when I upgraded you from puke bowl to puke bucket.
Oh, and my friends believe you should reimburse me for the brazilian that was gone to waste.
HE HAS A FUCKING TWIN. HE HAS A TWIN. I'M NOT DRUNK THERE IS TWO OF THEM.
Uggh answer your phone, you are the only one I know who'll be proud of what I woke up next to this morning .
Thinking about adopting a 16 yr old here. Her name is Abby and she likes vodka. We've bonded. I need a sober driver n e ways...
friends don't put videos of other friends on youtube puking on their professor on the first day
I woke up with a half eaten bag of lettuce in my hand, wearing my Halloween costume from last year. Damn you tequila.
Finished sriting an apology letter to my liver 2 weeks before st. Patricks game on
He kept humping my leg and whispering "dont worry, thats my phone not my penis"
I went to McDonald's this morning still half drunk with penises drawn all over my body, when my card was declined the cashier asked if I needed Jesus
Is this the point in which we come to terms with our lesbianism or is that after you send me more ass pics...
My mom just said she had more presents to wrap, so I should "smoke some weed & go back to bed"... She really is Santa Claus
Now, one of you come feed me, the other read me my physics book...I'm too hungover for this shit...
She gave me a boner for the first time in 9 years.
if anyone breaks out the olive oil & slip n slide, text me 911.
Randomize
