Call me "white mamba"
Your dick is not a dangerous deadly poisonous snake
It is white.
Is it 'vaginas' or 'vaginae?'. Either way there were a shit ton of them.
Heard at work: Get out of my face before I cuntpunch you so hard your granddaughters have miscarriages. I love my job.
I'm moving there. Get me hired.
I have to start avoiding pregnant women. This is getting out of hand.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
i was gonna tell him a really embarassing story about you, but then i remembered im in all of them
we found you standing over and eating out of my neighbor's garbage can
apparently 20 random guys watched the process of me being carried on a mattress through the dorms
4 random people called me telling me they found him sleeping in the fetal postion on a driveway 45 minutes after we lost him
Uh, do you remember who's thong is in my tree?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Here's the level of my committment: I'm not participating in the Olympic opening ceremonies drinking game. THIS IS SERIOUS.
well he somehow got his hand stuck in some bike spokes trying to reach for a blunt he dropped and that's NOT the reason he's in the hospital...?
I sat on my couch last night watching What Women Want, eating ice cream, and sobbing "why doesn't she like me?" Why was I born a man?
We smoked before the sunrise hike. I ended up eating a banana and singing Circle of Life as the sun rose over the horizon.
I've got to stop fucking tourists. If Chicagos piazza is anything like their dicks. I'm moving.
You told the bartender at least five times that you were naming your son "Jagermeister" but you would use the bartender's name "Fernando" as his middle name. You were drunk.
Randomize