are you drunk enough to hook up with me yet?
Dude I still wanna know who I had sex with on new years eve
how did the keg end up in the top bunk?
Bouncy castle Catalina wine-mixer race for the cure. It will be as fun as it sounds
Dude are you alive? We drank shit that made a german bartender blow chunks.
A surprise thumb up the ass and I'm wide awake. She was right, no need for caffine pills I could fight ninjas now.
I gave him head in my cape. On the kitchen floor. Watching a show about bacon.
you should probably know that there's a naked dude in your window
i wouldn't normally say anything but you seem to not be there
It's going to be weird as hell when you have kids. I'll meet them and think "Hi, Did you know that I was almost your dad?"
Dude, that was like bongs ago.
I now have a other guy willing to drive 3 hours for my vagina. At my next gyno appointment I'm asking her if there's cocaine in there.
I feel like too many of my sentences start of with "Hey, fuckface!"
I am literally watching TV with sunglasses on because the brightness hurts my hangover
he said he's going to burn things and pack his stuff. he may leave tomorrow supposedly but i doubt it
So drinking that old rum that I found in the ceiling of my dorm was prob not my best idea. But good news: my puke was so colorful b/c of all the skittles i ate
Randomize
