It's always exciting to touch a new boob.
I'm not sure how exactly, but this funeral has turned into a ridiculous night of drinking games
I'm either watching Fifth Element or Hotel Rwanda. There's black people and white people and high life tall boy 18 packs are $11.99 so I could be watching my own hand. I have no idea.
So you have no knowledge as to why I am hearing loud repetitive mooing from next door?
Sometimes I seriously wonder if I could get away with vodka Sundays at work. Cuz this red bull feels naked.
Housekeeping just called to see if we were okay bc they came in the room earlier and we didn't move.
was it me or did you scream 'champagne motherfucker' when you punched him in the face ??
Taking my infected piercing out in the parking lot of the food card place. This is one of those life defining moments that makes me sad.
Relaxed was like phase 1 of this phase 7 high
I'm facebook/twitter stalking the guy I just slept with as he's passed out next to me. What a time to be alive...
Hello my rib-scented angel!
I just traded sex to frolic with a box of husky puppies. Is this rock bottom?
New strategy for telling if someone is drunk: will they attempt to drink a candle if you put a straw in it?
I smell Vodka. It's me. If anyone asks it's totally hand sanitizer.
He was someone so memorable that I'd completely forgotten he'd existed up to and during the encounter
Randomize
