I'm really into asian looking animals
...there is blood under my fingernails.
...I hope my roomates are okay.
there should be laws that require people like to me to be on birth control.
The mystery gender stripper never showed up with that party burrito last night.
I fcuked ip.
Is this your way of telling me that you got drunk in your office before meeting with your dissertation advisor again? Or that you finally banged that freshman fraternity pledge?
You should have hard cock pics on hand to send in the situation that you can't stop driving, pull out your cock, browse the countless pics I've sent you of my tits, get him hard and text a pic through. I mean, it's simple sexting ettiquette.
No more co-pays for contraceptives. Whoever says Obama is a bad guy has clearly never had a pregnancy scare.
PAAAANTS ARE FOR AAAASSHOLES
Also this guy fingered me at the bar and then gave me his card
Its 8 in the morning and I wouldn't pass a breathalyzer test, How's your day been?
Idk I wanna make it till midnight but I also want tequila
Dude, you spit in your shirt pocket saying "I'm saving it for later" then dove head first into the pyramid of beer cans we set up.
Your friend was nice but you didn't have to bang her in my kitchen...just sayin.
Dude. That's like masturbating until the point that you're going to climax, then stopping, waiting for a few seconds and then starting all over. While that does lead to an altogether more powerful orgasm, it's still annoying as hell until you get there.
I was not expecting that analogy.
No one ever expects that analogy.
woke up, covered in gummy bears, with a note that said "the gummy army won"
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