i'm all for saving the environment, but when we get into the shower to fuck, he shouldn't flip his shower hourglass timer
You should probably just propose to him the old fashioned way: sleep with him and get pregnant.
Yah, I definitely wouldn't wanna be fingered with a fake arm...
I didn't mean to leave you there I just didn't know him well enough to throw up in his bathroom.
If i apologize for punching you in the liver repeatedly will you explain where the grass stains on my shoulders came from?
um, yes. it's my birthday, of course there will be acid.
FRIENDSHIP PRAYER: May the crabs of 1,000 whores infest the crotch of the person who fucks up your day
New rule. No seeing movies about plane crashes after killer bong rips
I'm cool with a hey old buddy how have you been want to fuck me in the butt kind of thing
We had sex twice and at Wendy's how dare you diminish that.
I did the walk of shame this morning and his mom hugged me in the driveway
He literally stole all the change that was on my floor and ran away while I was peeing. I have to rethink my standards.
We need to borrow someone's dog. Just so we can non-creepily go to PetSmart and watch all the other dogs take photos with Santa
Black labs can get you to do pretty much anything...even approach strange men in their bath robes
so i went over to her house and we played crash bandicoot, ate calzones, and had sex all day. im in love.
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