It's finally official that I am from Oklahoma. I'm currently sleeping with my ex-fling's brother.
better question... why wasnt i wearing a cape the previous 20 years of my life???
I just saw the list where the U.S. doesn't even rank in the top 10 in drinking countries. I know its Tuesday but....its for America
I AM SAFE. EVERYTHING IS FOG. MISSION ACCOMPLISHED.
I made him go down on me for 40 mins then pretended to pass out. I swear, I'm like a boy.
Saw my boss's vagina at that party. Hung over at work has never been more acceptable
The empty keg landed on my head. It's a good thing we already got shitfaced or i'd be a vegetable and the humor would be completely lost.
You know you're an adult when you break 100 to get 75 cents, to buy a condom from a bar vending machine in South Boston.
He told me I was 100% better then porn then passed out nto the cake
You have no idea how pumped I am. I literally plan on dying. You're in my will
how the hell were we supposed to out run the cops in a bus?
He had a small dick anyway. I'm glad I barfed on it.
Giant stained glass jesus is judging my black pleather pants
He was like 120 lbs and 20 of that was penis
Just so you know, I choose to answer your bootytext tonight because it was the most creative.
Randomize
