i just met rob pattinson in italy. he's so stupid, i feel like i would have to say "your penis goes here!"
TBS has betrayed me by telling me tyler perry is funny
New Jersey isn't a real state, it's just a myth you tell little kids to scare them like Canada or Carrot Top
These 5 days benders will be the death of me. Just living and breathing is a struggle right now.
i dont mean to point any fingers but there is a lot of urine in the kitchen
He came on my face. Threw a towel at me. Stole my weed. And left. I thought this would be over after we graduated?
She's currently upstairs fucking her boyfriend while I am downstairs making them a sex playlist watching her boyfriend's Weiner dog and large Boxer try and mount each other. Marvin Gaye is playing. This is the ultimate third wheel fail.
I SMOKED SO MUCH I SKIPPED A DAY.
Celebrated the veterans I suppose, my mouth tastes of gin and black outs
I am a figure skater. You should know better than to let me get drunk near any patches of ice during Olympics season.
all of these bad things happened because I didn't bring a shower beer.
Don’t fucking talk to that dude from monday!! Ethical consumption dude, don’t fuck shitty guys
Dude...itll be a youre-still-a-dick-but-a-hot-one-angry-hate-evil-spite kinda fuck. This is acceptable.
I am a bad person
You slept with him. Was it good?
I wasnt going to but I was too lazy to blow up the air mattress
You've got the chocolate, drugs and my pants. You hold all the cards...
Randomize
