2:23 am: come sit on my lap i have a stick that'll keep you in place
pretty sure i remember announcing that i lost my virginity to that brad paisley song when it came on during power hour?
I feel like I would bang a guy with a dick piercing just to say I have...like climbing a huge mountain or somethig
You have no idea how much I'm praying for my moms side of the family's infertility right now
I just put on eyeliner and a diff shirt in case the pizza guy is cute. This is what my dating life has come to
They broke our car window and then wrote "great night" on the next
according to last night, I underestimated the size of my mouth and the possibilities of what can fit into it.
Legitimately sent a work email with "Hey, you kids, get off my lawn" as the subject line.
Drinking and pointing where stuff needs to go is hard stuff.
At the end of the date, he asked if he could kiss me. I really wanted to say "dude, I didn't shave for nothing"
I hope you get a lego stuck in your dickhole
okay yeah but you've seen me eat jambalaya naked
I just put vagisil on my bug bites how do you think my morning is going
I'm going to become fluent in fucking Belgian boys
Nice. I like it when Maker's Mark makes decisions for you.
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