My mom gets in bar fights. She doesn't go to bed early.
i just stumbled downstairs, still drunk, to hug my dad and wish him a happy fathers day
but fathers day is next sunday
i realized that after i threw up on his bare feet
Admittedly I was a little ambitious with some of the positions but you walked in during the worst of it.
I walked in on him shirtless licking the mirror while talking to his reflection. So yes, I definitely want to do shrooms the next time you get them.
I woke up with a crunchy, pink Pepto streak through my hair, no recollection of the last 6 hours of my night and the feeling that all the hotel's staff knew me on a first name basis.
There's a pair of socks on the bar. No-one's questioned this.
My gynecologist inadvertently complimented your penis.
Lesson learned. Never get fingered on an airplane.
Things I have learned since the start of my first college spring break: do not fart in an enclosed space (such as a shower stall) when hungover. You will throw up. More lessons to follow as week continues.
Let's not fuck on an air mattress tonight...I'd rather get rug burn.
I just had the stunning realization that I lost my virginity in a bunk bed.
I just realized I haven't got laid since the last time the Browns won.
Come over. We have half a bottle of jumbo champagne left and no boyfriends to slow us down
You know you gave a quality blow job when you have to ice your neck and jaw the next day.
I want you to remember that you started masturbating in front of a car full of people. That drunk.
Randomize
