I am a bulletproof tiger!
Haha. Nice, be careful tonight.
I'm gonna have to get my windshield replaced. Is the keg beat?
Tonight must have been good, I have already had two cups of coffee but still couldn't figure out how to operate a door.
just gave him road head on the way home IN A SNOW STORM..good thing we didn't crash or I'd be dead. I DIDN'T HAVE MY SEATBELT ON
clearly you have your priorities straight
how did we ever eat at restaurants where they DIDNT squirt-gun tequila in our mouths?
I don't know why girls would even talk to someone as drunk as I was.
she's laying in my bed with an ice pack on her vagina. how do you think it went?
All I know is I woke up next to her beside the toilet
Home. Hour long discussion with mom. Very frightened. Eating a sausage. Don't remember making it. Confused.
you stumbled up the stairs in your heels, pulled 23 one-dollar bills out of your bra and then went and puked in the toilet. didnt say a single thing to me the whole time
Did you really lure me out of the bar with a blond holding a dunkin donuts bag? Well played sir, well played.
Using our apartments online floor/space planner to see how many beer pong tables we can fit. Dont think they had this in mind when they put this thing online.
Probably not lol but were fitting as many as possible
I somehow turned head, shoulders, knees, and toes into a sobriety test
just give up on your dreams and come get shit house drunk with me.
Heading there now. Already have a boner.
we finally found him at 2 am. he was 3 miles from the house and tried running into the lake when he saw us pull up. i don't think he'll be taking ecstacy again any time soon.
Randomize
