Let's hustle tonight so we can relax tomorrow
Perfect. Like where your heads at
By relax I mean have sex
I feel like dying is the new "adopt an african baby"
Why does Thanksgiving make hot girls feel disgusting and fat girls feel horny? Its killing my prospects.
What part of "you pissed in the tent" do you not understand?
I will give you 100$, a blow job a day for a month and I will shave my legs according to societal standards until next November if you come recuse me from my night class right NOW.
Also, if someone could cut me off before im rolling around the yard pantsless with a 40 year old lesbian that would be awesome.
I'm drinking and making muffins and I believe this is why God put us on earth.
I remember looking at his body and thinking wow you have a body sculpted by Jesus himself. Still not sure if I said that out loud or not
Okay. So I've done lines off a bible. But that's just for the sake of being cliché.
I had my room mate call my phone after last night and it was in an uncooked quesadilla
I would wear his ballsack as a hat if he asked me to
Apparently I'm some kind of sexual camel.
I'm pretty sure my therapist gave me the green light to fuck him.
He did a backflip because drugs
One of my tenants at my fourplex that I own gave me a massive bag of severely dank pot and a brick of cocaine because she didn't have the cash to pay the rent. She might just be my favorite tenant!
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