I don't know how to tell my mom that I'm not sober enough to drive to the dentist...
It's always a relief to be able to look at some one, and remind yourself that there IS some one who gets laid less then yourself.
flashcards smell like vodka and my textbook is in the toilet. ready for the final
my mothers day present is going to be not puking at the table during brunch
i should probably find things i have in common with someone besides drinking, before having sex with them
I just dropped macaroni right down my cleavage. For the sake of our future, I'm really banking on this being a turn on for you.
The gay bar tender told me I looked like Prince William. And that I needed my balls licked.
He tried to bang a 300 pounder last night. No joke. I shotgunned a tall boy in a bar cuz the bartender didn't crack the beer. Cant wait till Nashville.
Bad behavior is like a petri dish that grows organically In my heart
I don't want to die alone with cake watching shows about cake
I was desperately holding on to my sandwich while we had sex.
Well, you know sobriety isn't something I like to do on the reg.
Question: trumpet bong. Can it work.
He's wearing my bra and eating a breadstick while jumping on our bed.....
Sometimes I look at her and just start choking. She is that much of an evil entity.
Randomize
