She needs to learn what's it like to have sex with someone and regret it the next day.
In an effort to go green, I just used rainwater to fill my bong.
You told the bartender you needed 2 beers, and a shot of his cum...
This is me reassuring you that I'm still alive and making sure you still are.
You convinced us both to take shots of jack Daniels through our eyes.
My near death experience also doubled as my coming out story
they all just nodded
I dont feel as bad coming home this baked because I gave my 14 year old sister a no drugs talk last night.
DO IT, or I'll send you pictures of my hickey to remind you of your loneliness
I would steal a car if I knew it had wheat thins in it
is it necessary to steal the whole car?
My dad made a joke about you sending me strippers for valentine's day so clearly everything here is normal
I am so sorry for drunk texting you r kelly lyrics
Is it too far to say to someone "you're useless for everything besides sex"
i just went to hell in the tanning bed. i think god is giving me a preview of what is in store if i keep getting drunk everyday.
Im drinking a CAN of bud light at the bar. Do you really think I care anymore?
He’s over 6 feet has amazing posture and went to Harvard and has an awesome job and a great dick and loves Jesus and is an organ donor
Is this the guy you have listed as free food in your phone
Noooo he’s listed as free food #5
Randomize
