The weather is perfect in Seattle right now. Warm enough for girls to not wear bras, but cold enough for me to see them nipping out in the shade.
he drunkenly confessed to whacking off before coming over so the sex'd be longer. this one's a keeper
what do people who dont have blackberrys do while they poop?
first off, his name is dougie. strike one.
Shit. We're going to have to drink until they're cute
Hello cirrhosis
I think ppl see us as an unstoppable drunken force
You rode him down the last flight of stairs like a human sled.
On that note I give you a 10 for sticking the landing and staying on the whole ride.
You had the genius idea to tape beer to the celing fan. There goes his security deposit. He is gonna be fuckin pissed.
possible new low: just washed a permanent marker penis off my cheek with porta-potty hand sanitizer.
also if this is gonna be a sample of how country jam will be, I might as well break up with him now. he spent the night blacked out and I could have been in a three-some.
Oh ya, I forgot to tell you, last night I woke up to the sound of you peeing on the floor next to the fridge, didn't remember until now. Have fun at Dayton!
I woke up with a thorn in my belly button. A THORN!
Things that don't wash off in the shower: black eyes and hickies.
I was on antibiotics for a bladder infection and couldn't drink and you told me there was no longer room in your life for me.
I went to an adult Halloween party last night dressed as Mrs. Doubtfire, but I woke up on a stranger's couch surrounded by sleeping children in karate gi's. And I accidentally flushed my granny wig mid-puke, so if they wake up I'm gonna have to convince them that I'm just a weird older man and not a terrible cross dresser.
How did you come to this point in your life?
Good bartenders.
after last night, ive never not wanted to live so much in my life.
Randomize
