Dude if you're in another zip code it doesn't count
You don't understand. I'm not like you.
you know your drunk when 7 soccer players cant catch up to a tranny in high heels who just stole your wallet
So i got in my car, the seats are leaned back, and soft soul music is playing. Wtf happened last night.
Somebody spraypainted a transformers head on a transformer box..my life is complete
i think it was just a coincidence but she literally vomited the second she saw my penis.
who knew that a girl that let me piss on her within 20 minutes of meeting her would get upset i couldn't remember her name.
he kept asking me if i had been in a pool or a lake recently, i didnt want to say i know where the swimmers ear came from. shower sex.
Shit, I may have left some acid in your bathroom last night. Has he been in there lately.
By the way, thank you for feeding me fries when I was sitting on the floor.
He said female orgasms are a myth and refuses to even try to give me one.
That's not a good night. A good night is waking up with no skirt, no money, and the imprint of the edge of the bar on your forehead.
Guess who just got caught by mall security having sex in a car in the parking lot... at noon. This chick.
He's getting Easter eggs filled with weed or Jell-O shots for his birthday
I had forgotten what new underwear feels like. It's as if angels descended from heaven for the sole purpose of supporting my junk.
i cant go to his party cause last time i pressed the red buttons on the wall and the fire alarm went off for 40 minutes, i'm not allowed back there
Randomize
