OKAY SO WHENEVER I SEE AN UGLY COUPLE I ALWAYS WONDER WHAT THEY SAY TO EACH OTHER IN BED. creepy?
So... My dad just saw the Plan B package and the beer cans in my backseat.
Oh its cool I'm sure he already knows you're a whore and an alcoholic.
would you kill someone to have someone deliver pancakes to you when you were high?
Do the low cut shirt test. If he stares at your tits even in front of your brother, he's down.
you missed kickoff and the first round of bodyshots. I suggest you get here now.
It's also dangerous to ride a bike down the stairs after a few beers, but I've done it.
I posted my balls on ericas instagram. It got 17 likes.
Hey, the point is, I have 3 guys to fuck to get over the last one. It's my golden rule. You told me to find a hobby! It translated as "find another guy".
That is the opposite way I told you to find a hobby.
Also the girl beside me smells like she's been in a deep fryer.
My drug dealer bought me a book for Christmas. What a gentleman.
Nothing like waking up and having two guys who aren't your boyfriend talk to you about their hard dicks before 9 am.
Last thing I remember I was riding on a picnic table being hauled around by a lawn mower with an empty case of bud light on my head...
I think he may actually care that I call him slampiece instead of his real name. Who knew he had feelings?
Alan said you can come over and eat me out anytime you want, as long as we give him enough notice to hide in the closet before we arrive
Apparently during my blackout I walked over to Troy, grabbed my crotch, and said “Eat Fresh” while his GF was with him. FML
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