I drank too much. My snot smells like vodka when I blow my nose.
I think I can smell my own vagina right now
I went from a chick that didn't like to have sex to one that can't get enough of it. I can't believe I'm going to say this but at 27 I think I need a happy medium
It's my birthday, I plan on masturbating and boating, maybe even masturbate on the boat.
Fuuuuck. Forgot it's October. FYI scarecrows are gonna fuck you up when you're driving high
I'm too afraid that I'm 1. Banned or 2. Gonna be noticed by the lady bouncer I punched.
answered a 6 am booty call this morning...you were still in the er so I thought what the hell
Would it be considered cannibalistic if I wanted to eat off his bacon tattoo?
Just in case the world ends tomorrow, I have an emergency contact group of booty calls I can send a quick "let's fuck" to before I die.
we fucked in the backseat of my car at the observatory, right under the stars. it was a starry, orgasmic filled night
I don't know if the fact that I carry lube in my purse means I'm living life right or I'm doing it wrong..
You drank the pool water to get rid of your hiccups
I'm starting to notice a direct correlation between blackouts and broken bones...
i just want to cuddle, make out and maybe have a boob grabbed but no. someone has to have mono.
Just do what I do and listen to your vagina. She’ll growl when she smells good dick
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