I would blow Magic Johnson for a pack of lucky strikes right now. Post-hiv.
I feel uncomfortable when she gargles my jizz.
he just asked me if he could show me what he wanted to do to me using his action figures. where do i find these freaks?
Every good night starts with white castle burgers and shots in the parking lot.
I hope I don't blackout because this is awesome!
After me and my boyfriend broke up I had to resist the temptation to send a mass text to my booty calls saying "thank you for your patience. it will be rewarded."
We should make a goal to do one active thing a day, even if its like throwing a ball
And by ball i mean playing catch. Beer pong does not count as an activity
she is legit wearing a plastic bag around her neck as a necklace. she says it serves two purposes.
Just walked into the bar to find a guy in a Boba Fett helmet leaning casually against the wall, texting. This night just got real.
Please do us both a favor and come rip my clothes off.
Thanks for having me and my emotional baggage over last night.
That was the night, like, my hair caught on fire...
I sent him a cookie cake that said "Congratulations you're not a father"
We were ushered out of Medieval Times by a squire for making out in the torture chamber. Children were present.
I think I came out of my blackout as I was ordering wine from the private wedding reception.
Randomize
