You got so drunk you kept singing the Sailor Moon theme song and kept making everyone call you Sailor Venus.
This girl told me I had the balls of an infant..I replied by saying her vagina looks like Stargate.
my dentist asked me why my tooth was chipped, i told him i couldn't remember. i think he understands.
Well, I now know how many glasses of wine it takes for me to fuck my neighbor.
We got jeff a deep fryer for his bday. So far the count is two potatoes and your iPod.
Ong my arms are moving wo my consent
Bro, the freshmen are smoking in the park again, do you need ammo for ur paintball gun?
Just took last nights make up off with a sock. That hungover.
Two questions. One. Where are you watching election results tomorrow? Two. Can we have Obama victory sex?
So I had sex with a hook nosed, lisping masadonian last night.
Glad that degree in literature is paying off. Nice adjectives. Maybe set the bar a little higher though?
We are all yelling at the cat at our apt in nothing but our underwear. How do you think it's going.
That Kevin guy is something else...His penis is fucking glorious. And he has a way with words. If he lived here I'd be the conductor of the fuck caboose. I mean literally I would never want to get off that thing.
New vibrator arrived today.
How was it?
Who are these wee mortals we call men?
He broke into my house because he missed me. Then ends the relationship because I'm the needy one. Ironic much?
Hey know anyone who wants 58 lbs of whole frozen chickens for a couple bowls?
Randomize
