My 12 y/o god son's bandmate just asked me to their school dance. Still he's a better catch than the last one...
can you wear a superman outfit if we ever have sex?
At chipotle, there's a bachelorette party starting out the night here, i'm going to let you imagine what the bride to be looks like
I FOUND THE PROF I'M GOING TO FUCKKKK.
is it bad that upon arriving to my fourth sex toy party the sex toy lady instantly recognizes me?
Just checked an empty cooler on the flight to Notre Dame. You don't have to tell me you're jealous, I already know.
So apparently the christmas orgy was a complete disaster
Do you think the guy at the front desk was watching us last night? Although we were in a public pool, therefore our tits were free game.
I guess she thought her walk of shame would be more dignified if she stole my dog
ps I'm eating candy off our sex sheets. gotta say the only thing better than sweet tarts is sweet tarts with a hint of sex. perfect post vday situation
I'm going to call you, don't answer. Need to practice moaning to your answering machine again
Seriously. My vagina. Can we talk about it? It's gonna jump off this treadmill and devour my trainer.
Get a piano. I want to have sex on it.
Oh shit. My drunken car sex is on Google Earth.
So you thought it was a good idea to make plans for the same time same place with the guy you were sort of dating AND his best friend you slept with?
Randomize
