He tugged on my tampon string and said 'there's a snake in my boot'. Needless to say he called me Woody and quoted Toy Story the rest of the night.
I just saw a girl make a shank with the underwire in her bra...
I just used my med student white coat as ID to buy beer at 9 in the morning
This whole foot fetish thing is getting out of control. He would rather hold my feet than me after we fuck.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
can you look at this picture and tell me if you think this my kid?
eat the baked goods on the counter at your own risk... i made them while i was angry and drunk so they most likely have pubes in them
looking back it was a good thing we were too wasted to fire up the chainsaw
He's. Duct. Taping. His. Phone. To. The. Wall.
Uhm; your sign says 'Welcome to KFC' and for some reason I can't seem to open the door.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
She wanted to make popcorn, but the air-popper was broken. So she dumped the entire container of kernels into the clothes dryer. Drunk movie night was a success!
well it got awkwardly quiet so i looked up, slapped his stomach, said "youre the best!" while pointing at him, and went right back to sucking his dick.
Why would you waste your Ritalin on your children?
I'll have a whole suitcase of emergency bacon with me obviously
I think I'm actually too depressed to do drugs, wow.
Nothing ruins your day more than waking up to you dogs crotch in your face
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