He also has a monumental penis. It's unbelieveable. I'm sorry but he's perfect.
she was stripping to whiskey lullaby. most depressed boner.
For looking exactly like her, she tasted less like her sister than I would've thought
Woke up the next morning in an 8 year old's bedroom. Saw my bra swinging from the spiderman ceiling fan and decided it would be best to dip out w/o it.
I dont know what we smoked last night but I woke up and found out I started writing a book called White Trash Princess. Its the best thing Ive ever read
Nothing says casual like stairwell bjs
I should come with a warning like "do not feed me tequila or cocaine, I will ruin the party and cry"
I apparently pulled his dick out at the bar and started yelling "DICK PICS IN REAL LIFE!"
ALSO I MAYBE ACCIDENTALLY HAND CUFFED MYSELF TO A CHAIR
just ran into my drill sergeant from basic 4 years ago. gonna take him home and have him fuck me at the cadence of quick time.
He came home at 2 AM on roller skates with his hair dyed pink while singing "Sweet Transvestite" and throwing glitter on all of us and everything we own. We had to call a cleaning guy.
Oh yeah, you are a real peach except for shitting uncontrollably and bleeding out of your face.
Bitch I slept on the ground 2 nights running
This is Ryan, Kristin's husband. I don't know if you meant to send that pic to me at 3am. You may want to call Kristin. Neat piercing though.
I can’t believe the first text I’m sending you from this phone was about how I just got fingered in a smart car on tin can hill
Randomize
