I told him I was pregnant. Figured it would soften the blow of telling him I had herpes.
Did it?
Not as such, no.
he just stuck his car key in my belly button, made car starting noises and pretended like i was revving my engine?
I glued a penny on the door Tricia believes its Patrick Swayze haunting our apartment. Fuckin potheads.
I think I'm going to die by hangover. I'm in my spanish class. So I guess I'm going to be muerte.
just realized we made a drinking game to how many times they say "hakuna matata" in the lion king last night... hello sophomore year.
Everyone is slow dancing to Aerosmith. I am serenading a slice of pizza.
I shit you not, me and my date were in that bar and within a 10 minute window, 4 ex gf's entered. Every one clocked me and gave me evils. I swear they're conspiring.
second roommate of the year to get clamydia. go life.
Note to self: don't tell your girlfriends dad you can have his daughter in bed by ten and home by midnight. He doesnt find it funny
She asked for her virginity back. I don't know what to say
I don't like sad things. I do like drinking though
I like the fact that you've for some reason taken my penis into protective custody
I tried to flirt with him by saying "catholics are cool" and he handed me a cup of water so i called him jesus and thanked him for the wine
Yiu ever laugh so hard you stop breathing? Turns out weed -can- kill you.
I guess I can check "drink alone in the dark" off my bucket list
Randomize
