Feel like bed is flying. Not sure where we're going. Hope there is candy.
Some girl just asked us for directions back to campus. we told her to take the first four lefts. We live on a block. she believed us
Every now and then I'll talk to a creeper for an extended amount of time. Randy, for instance, funded our entire night of horrible decisions.
I felt weird they were both staring at me waiting for the scoop on how your vagina felt.
It's sore actually
hot twin vs twin who's good in bed. why do my life choices same way unfair
listening to the two girls in the next stall finish a 40 and laugh at this guy they both fucked. they're calling him 'tulip dick'.
not a day goes by that I don't wish you were here or I there. Today it was because I had the desire to get high and go look at the jellyfish at the aquarium and you're the perfect buddy for that.
you just missed a great speech in which i almost coined the term "ass-ian" as in "my vaginal and ass-ian regions are no longer safe"
God please dont post that to facebook.
Well, I can mark "throwing up in a daycare bathroom due to a hangover" off my bucket list.
Had a dream I went to Disney to visit you and then I got really drunk and puked all over these little kids in line
DUDE FUCK CALL ME SHE HAS GRANDKIDS
We had to push you home in an abandoned shopping trolley. You thought you were in a pirate boat and kept yelling "AVAST, ME HEARTIES".
I'm just hitting the tip of the iceberg on accents for this trip...so basically my panties are done for.
Sorry you ended up in detox. It's not my fault you decided to walk downtown in only your underwater at 3am. I think the tequila took over.
I just caught your son trying to perform fellatio on himself. What do I do?
Randomize
