I want to touch your soul through your body...with my penis...
Mike i'm at church right now...
I forgot i ate a salad for dinner, so while i was barfing in his toilet, i kept screaming "i ate leaves?? i cant believe you let me eat leaves!"
It smelt so bad when i tried biting off her underwear that i didn't want to touch with my mouth
i've lived in the woods for so long, as long as its post-op, i don't care.
I gambled and lost. Had to pull into a funeral home to clean up with a copy of my resume.
I would give away a ton of these clothes but I doubt there are any homeless people who dress as slutty as me
In the middle of switching positions, we shared a line of coke. It's was like a modern-day 'Lady and the Tramp.'
and this is why we should make december sharting awareness month.
Way to high for badminton right now. This is gonna be a shitshow.
my goal was to make out with as many people dressed as batman as possible. I have my priorities.
I look like i have multiple stab wounds in my foot and there are footprints from the elevator to my room. What happened?
I ate a hotdog off the ground last night.
Also at one point I told him to say my name and it took him like 5 seconds to remember.
I'm just drunk enough to be eating egg rolls on the toilet
You know it was a good night when visa fraud prevention services are calling
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