Hard rock hotel, wtf why am i still out, im gonna fuk 5 chix 2nite .maybe
my phone needs a breathalizer
Is masturbating to pics of your ex on Facebook considered cheating?
You are proof that most things are best left unsaid.
i don't know where i am. i made bad decisions. i think this guy is dead.
We're lucky we aren't prostitutes by now. Whats the etiquette for returning a pair of heels with blood on them?
There are topless girls riding the lawn flamingos. I win.
Dude, it could be so much worse. That Dale kid lost a toe I think.
Bud light lime after 12 shots of vladdy is like frolickin in a meadow of sweet flavor
You carried me up the stairs after I told you not to. And what did you tell me? "Let me test my strengths."
There two guys dressed as FEMA workers with jump-suits that say "Post-Disaster Breast Examination Division"
You need to call dibs on the blond with the tits. It's your birthday.
Haha hell yea
Because if someone gets to see those.. It should be you. It's like God telling you Happy Birthday.
Would it be rude to use my vibrator? like he forfeited his right to be mad when he left me orgasmless...right?
Jesus Christ. How the fuck do you not tell someone that your wife can see on the phone bill who you text and how many times ?
I'm to childless and to single to be asking myself why I'm so sticky
No one can touch me, I'm made of fruit.
Randomize
